Crossing Lines
by DrayMiaOnly
Summary: "LEAH!" My mind desperate calls, and I hear my howl foreign in my ears. Loud, so much that it manages to scratch my throat, and I swallow a little bit of blood. But the pain is not from that. T for language.


**A/N:** I heard a song a few days ago, "Rise" by The Frames, and this story just floated into my head. I want to dedicate this to **_Dirty Things_** because she's responsible for me hearing the song I mentioned and because, well, she's awesome! So... for you Rory x3

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Twilight Saga, or the characters, or the settings, or... anything really. But if anyone would like to buy me Jacob Black, I promise I'll imprint on them *bats eyelashes*

**Details:** Jacob's point of view. For me it's a Lake (Leah/Jake), but one can see this as a friendship fic (you don't even have to squint). _Italics_ are thoughts and/or things I wish to punctuate.

**Warnings:** A few curse words here and there. What can I say? I have a potty mouth *shrugs shoulders*

**Important:** The following events take place during Breaking Dawn, directly after the moment Jake imprints on Renesmee (really Meyer? really?) *growls frustrated*. To any Nessie-fans that came across this story: don't worry, I'm not bashing her.

**Enjoy! And tell me what you think! :)  
**

* * *

_Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self disconnected from me in that second snip, snip, snip and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was._  
_[...]The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blonde vampire's arms that held me here now. Renesmee._  
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, p.360

~*.*~

_Like a blind man who's looking at the sun for the first time._

I remembered my words, from when I was trying to explain what imprinting feels like to Bella.

_Bella._ How can it be that, up until a moment ago, I was dying inside for her? I don't feel that torturing pain in my heart anymore. I'm worried of course, after all she'll always be my friend, but I'm not consumed by rage anymore. I'm not urged to kill the thing that caused her death anymore.

_Bella._ This mess is all her fault. She had to go for the mysterious/enticing/charming Bloodsucher. Why would she pick me? I'm loud, I get easily excited, a "happy-go-lucky" kind of guy all the fucking time. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm like a damn explosion, you know? No way to fucking hide me, to make me seem more alluring. Chicks dig cryptic stuff, you know? They want to unravel you, to figure you out, and then brag about how they were the only ones capable to achieve the deed.

_What am I thinking? There are more urgent, and disturbing, matters to make an insane internal speech about!_

"Renesmee." I whisper her name, unable to take my eyes off of the tiny creature.

She's the one I'm destined to be with? How? Why? What about my feelings for Bella? How can they just disappear? Why do I feel that I would burn/drown/die, happily, if it meant that this baby will be happy for the rest of her life?

_Why do I love her? I don't even know her. Minutes ago, I hadn't even been interested to get to know her. Minutes ago, I wanted to murder her in cold blood._

_Oh god._ A blinding pain courses through my veins, tugging at my heart, as if to rip it out of my chest's cavity.

_It hurts to even think that you hate your imprint?_ I wonder disoriented. It was like I was back under Sam's orders again. I hated the feeling of having no choice. Of having to obey.

_But, I need time, I need to understand, I need to learn how to accept this. One step at a time._ My legs are trembling, as I feel the wires trying to pull me forward.

_But, I don't exactly want to go near her right now._ Like I've been punched on my stomach, my legs give up and I fall on my knees.

_No. I don't understand. I can't do this right now. I just lost Bella. I just need some time. Some fresh air or something._ The warmth I was feeling inside my body turns to burning again. It's torturing me to comply, it's almost ordering me to submit. To stand up and go to my imprint's side.

NOW. It's like my heart doesn't comprehend my brain's haziness. Why I am reluctant. She demands Renesmee. NOW.

_NO!_ I scream inside my head, or at least I thought it was internal. I want to stand up, I want to run away. I want to be alone for a while, like when I had left, after I got the invitation for Bella's wedding. My body is thrusting against the floor violently, it doesn't want to listen to me. It wants to stay here. To never leave the side of Renesmee.

_Why am I so fiercely loyal to her? I've just met her!_ I shout, but, I've cut all of my ties with the coherent world, and I'm not sure if anyone can hear me.

_You love her! You belong to her! So, shut up and go to her! NOW._ I'm hearing a voice inside my head, and I know it's mine, but I can't recognize truth in what's it saying. Anger spreads though my boiling blood, and the trembling intensifies, stronger than ever before. I have a purpose now. A target. I explode, my human body shreds and I'm on four paws.

_LEAH!_ My mind desperate calls, and I hear my howl foreign in my ears. Loud, so much that it manages to scratch my throat, and I swallow a little bit of blood. But the pain is not from that.

The front door breaks open with a deafening thud, and I've never felt so relieved to see my Beta. If I can't leave on my own, Leah will gladly kick me out.

_Oh Leah, please. Just take me away from here. I can't do this right now. I can't stand it._

The lithe grey wolf is at my side in a flash, already struggling to help me rise. But I've never felt more exhausted, and I'm sure if it wasn't for my shape-shifter's strength, I would have already blacked out by now.

"Is he alright?"

"Has something happened?"

"Jake? Talk to me, Jake."

"Rose, is there something you'd wish to share?"

"What? Don't be ridiculous, I haven't done anything. I was feeding Renesmee , when Fido started to cry out, as if I was killing him."

"Alice? Do you see anything?"

"SoMuchPain"

I closed my eyes tightly, desperately trying to block out the voices. Or, to be perfectly honest, trying to isolate my Beta's thoughts. _Just get me out of here. Just get me out. Please._

"Jake? Open your eyes, look at me." Someone is touching me, and I would have lashed out, if the hand wasn't warm, soft, and gentle. That voice. I know that voice. The only that can command even if it is, technically, below you. _Why didn't I felt her phase? Oh right, I'm dissolving. With an excruciatingly slow pace._

_Leah._ I opened my eyes hesitantly, ready to snap them shut again, if my brain was fucking with me and this turned out to be an illusion. I mean... Leah, on her human form? Inside the 'leeches lair'?

But there she is. She's different. Her face is not scowling, or snarling, or glaring, instead she's looking at me with a combination of confusion and concern. But she's Leah, and I'm at ease.

She's wearing something like a shirt, but it's long enough to pass for a dress, and I would bet my left, front paw that, sometime while I was having a panic-attack, Alice gave it to her. I knew I tolerated the little fortune-teller leech for a reason!

I lean my head to press against her hand, and, to my extreme relief, after an unnecessarily long amount of time, Leah is finally caressing someone. Not smacking or punching, or even scratching.

"Jake, are you alright?" she whispers with something like relief in her tone, probably because I seem aware of my surroundings again.

_No._ I shake my head right and left, careful not to push her hand away from me just yet.

"What is he feeling? I couldn't stand it." she asks and I blink stupidly, twice, but then I see she's talking to the blond what's-his-name Bloodsucher.

"Pain, agony, fear, distress, irritation, misery, sickness, torment, torture, anger. Anything and everything. I haven't seen something like this in all my 160 years." he replies with his southern drawl, and it's the first time I've seen him looking so... uncomfortable. He's feeling all these with me, I realize and I almost sympathise him. Almost.

"Do you want to leave?" Leah has return her attention to me now, and I nod my lupine head.

"Okay. But, Jake, please. I can't phase if you don't try to control your emotions. You were hurting me before." she says and I try to frown, and probably fail miserably. It's not an expression one can achieve while having a muzzle.

I look towards the blond one, trying to silently ask him to do something. His golden eyes look inside my cobalt ones intently, and a wave of tranquility and serenity spreads through my body. And, though I know they are artificial, I swear at Efraim's soul they feel _so_ good my eyes flutter closed.

I feel Leah's hand on my neck, almost dragging me outside, and my heart shouts 'No. Stay here.', but my body follows her, and I'm grateful for that.

~*.*~

It had started to rain, and I mused that the weather had a thing for irony. I mean when people, or wolves yeah sure, are sad, do they really need a matched setting? Common! Give us a break damn it!

The ground was molding under my paws, all wet and slippery mud, filled with pine needles and mosses.

We've been running for hours, but Leah hasn't complained. I've replayed inside my head what happened, back at the Cullen's house, that caused me to have a nervous breakdown.

She hasn't said anything yet, not really. I've only grasped glimpses of her feelings on the matter. Shock, defiance, sympathy -surprisingly-, anger -rage even-, and, for the last five minutes, determination. But I couldn't focus enough on her thoughts to understand this last one.

"_Enough. Stop running._" she says and halts, and I almost fall forward, face (oh... well, muzzle) first, but I don't have the world's best reflexes (yes, I know, I'm cocky) for nothing.

She carelessly lies down, folding her front paws neatly one on top of the other, and looks up at me expectantly.

I hesitate. I don't know if I can sit somewhere close to her. As embarrassing as it is, I want to feel her fur against mine. In fact, I think I want her to sit on top of me. To cover my whole, unreasonably big, body. To shield me from the world, and Sam's Pack, and the Cullens, and imprinting. Until the day I won't feel so lost and alone, and fucking vulnerable, and-damn it all, I'm bitching like a 13 year old girl having a teenage tantrum.

"_Jake, please calm down. It's just you and me. No one can touch you here._" She creeps closer and places her grey little head on top of mine, and only then I realize I'm spread flat on the forest's carpet, as if I've glued myself down there.

"_I'm scared._" I admit with a voice that sounds small, like it's coming from afar.

"_I know, kiddo. Talk to me about it. Your thoughts are a mess, and I can't unscramble them if you don't help me._" she replies calmly, and I think it's the first time I see Leah being patient about something. "_Don't push it._" she warns , and I nod preffering to be on her good books, or this isn't going to work.

"_I can't understand why I've imprinted on Bella's daughter._" I begin to explain. "_I don't know how I fell out of love with Bella in mere seconds. What was the purpose to love her so much in the first place, if I was meant to be with her child?_" I ask like the curious cub I am, deep down inside, needing Leah to have all the answers in the world.

She looks like she's thinking hard for a moment. About the actual question or on how to respond, I wouldn't know. How can one begin to explain the big chaotic world? Does imprinting have side-effects? I'm turning all philosophical here.

She ignores my nuisances, cutting straight to the chase. That's the thing I like about Leah. She's straight forward, never beating around the bushes.

"_The Elders told me once... that Sam was with me to find Emily. That I was the path to lead him to his destiny._" she said mockingly, grimacing at the last sentence.

"_You know what I think, Jake? Bullshit. Simple as that. Imprinting is cruel and unfair, and it traps you. You can't love someone you know nothing about. That's the tough truth which, frankly, our Tribe is intimidated by._"

"_Love is freedom, not slavery. You should be able to choose. That's the whole point. You should be able to accept that nobody in this world is perfect, and that the one for you, will have flaws, but you will love them anyway. Because you chose to. And because they accept you, for who you really are, too._"

"_Love is to struggle to make things work. To relent when you have to, and to insist when you feel like you're about to lose yourself. That's what 'human relationships' are about._"

"_Love doesn't work with a switch. It's not healthy to be tied to someone, to the point where you physically can't breathe away from them. When you would die for them, just like that. It takes years of conscious effort, mutual concessions, and a fair amount of shared experiences, to become able to feel strongly about someone. And that's good, because Love is not simple, like imprinting is._"

She was speaking softly, all the while nuzzling the side of my neck and my right shoulder soothingly. Albeit unintentionally, since the gesture was mainly her Beta-instincts, urging her to keep The Alpha calm and composed, I would have purred with delight, had the situation not been this serious.

"_I don't think I can fall in love with Renesmee._" I said quietly, bracing myself against the pain that instantly stabbed my heart, by recoiling closer to Leah's warm body. Damn it! All this mandatory love-at-first-sight was completely sickening. I couldn't, wouldn't, allow this shit to negate my free will.

"_She's BellaAndEdward, you know? And the idea has always been painful for me. And even if, now, I don't have romantic feelings for Bella, that doesn't mean that I'm able to fall in love irrevocably for her daughter. And I still hate that arrogant bastard, Deadward. How can I love something that is a part of him?_" I looked up, inside her eyes, hoping she would understand, what I was having trouble to express.

"_When I phased, for the first time, and I heard Sam inside my head, telling me what we are, to calm down and to not be scared, I thought I had gone crazy._" her sarcastic laugh sent unpleasant trembles down my spine.

"_All I wanted was to leave, Jake. To forget about Sam and Emily, and how much they both hurt me. Next thing I know, I'm tied to Sam, and from him to Emily, forever. Through a bizarre mind-link, which seemed to taunt and torture me, injecting thoughts of all the conversations SamAndEmily had about me. How they wished they could make me all better and stop my pain._" The way she emphasised key words, made me wanna crawl a little further inside the deep shit-hole I felt I had been buried in, since the horrific moment I imprinted.

I'd never thought about her life, from this angle. I think no one ever has. I understand how she must have felt now, only because I feel it too. Somehow (feel free to read: through a fate's cruel joke) I got tied to BellaAndEdward for eternity. And, though my heart accepts them now, my mind can still recognize that I shouldn't. I can only imagine how much harder it was for Leah, because, when it happened to her, she still had feelings for Sam.

"_There was sadness, but no regrets, Jake. They couldn't feel guilty for what they had put me through, because their acts lead them to each other. And, once they embraced the concept of their so called 'True Love', they realized that, given the choice, they would do everything the same. All over again, if they had to, simply to come together in the end._" She shakes her head, as if she can force the painful images to fall out and leave her, at last, in peace.

I knew her words were true. I had seen Sam's thoughts, and he would hurt Leah again, if it meant that he would find Emily. Emily was his universe, his air, his purpose in life- no, she was his life.

I sensed my body shaking, and it took me a while to realize it wasn't me. Leah was whimpering quietly, her memories, and my big mouth, taking a toll on her.

"_Shh, shh. They don't deserve your tears, sweetheart._" I didn't know what to do, so I tried to show her that I was there for her, softly trailing my paw up and down her's.

"_I'm sorry, Lee. I wish I hadn't push you away, when Sam left you._" I said truthfully.

I had always been friends with the Clearwaters, well mostly with Seth, but Leah used to spend a lot of time at our house too, with Becca and Rachel.

When they were little, they were almost like triplets. They used to do everything together. School, studying, playing. In fact, if someone asked me how many nights Leah had spent at our house, keeping in mind that sleepovers where the favorite thing for all three of them, I wouldn't be able to decide on a number. I was sure it would have at least three digits though.

But then, Rebecca got married and moved to Hawaii permanently, Rachel went all 'Einstein' on us and received a scholarship, moved away also, and Leah simply stopped coming over. But, alas, Rach has finished her degree, and moved back this year, but now she has decided to major in Paul, to my great dismay.

Anyway, to get to my original point, I felt guilty, when I thought it never occurred to me, to invite Leah over at my house. That had always been the twins's job, and after they left, instead of becoming Leah's reassurance that she still had the friendship of the Black family, I got lost in my own little world .

"_It wasn't your fault. I'd never thought of you as a close friend either._" she said calmly. "_And when Sam and I broke up, I wouldn't let anyone near me anyway._" she continued, with her eyes gazing the horizon, memories of my mischievous sisters swirling inside her mind.

"_How come we've never talked like this before?_" I wondered, mostly to myself, but she decided to answer anyway.

"_With so many options around? Why would we?. You had Embry and Quil, and Bella. And I had Becca and Rach, and... Emily._" she mentally sighed, and I felt her insides clench with pain, a reaction to her cousin's name.

"_She was my sister, Jake._" she snapped, correcting my thought, but she wasn't angry with me. And even if she was, I wouldn't blame her right now.

I felt like we all behaved like scums to her. The whole pack shunning her, or teasing her and, damn- I really wanna kick most of my brothers butts, maybe mine too, while I'm at it.

She laughed bitterly, but mentally smirked, when I thought about biting Paul's smug puss.

"_Nah, Paul's not so bad. He's an asshole, and I'm a bitch, so we share a connection, you know? Paul has actually helped me._" She said, and I looked at her like she had gone crazy, but I swallowed the malicious comment I was about to make, as she started to show me memories.

Paul distracting Jared's attention, and effectively stopping him, from teasing Leah's, small for a wolf, form. Paul complaining for disgust and inappropriateness (_the hell? since when does he know such big words?_), every time Sam kissed Emily, while Leah was present. Paul making funny faces and snide comments, to get Leah to look at him and not the happy couple. Paul taking Leah's shifts, when she was paired with Sam, reasoning that a Beta must always be by his Alpha's side. Paul safely holding Leah's exhausted body the first time she managed to phase back, after being a wolf for 29 hours straight.

"_How come I've never noticed any of this?_" I asked, feeling stupid, and, to my astonishment, slightly guilty of being a little bigoted against Paul.

"_You were preoccupied, with your Bella-issues._" She said with a sneer, but, noticing that I flinched like I've been slapped, she relented. "_I'm not blaming you. I'm just telling you why. And it's not like it was your job to take care of me._" she reasoned. "_Like I said, Paul's an asshole... And a great friend._" She smiled softly, thinking about our pack-brother.

But I winced. I wanted to be her friend too, more so, now that I fully understood what she's been through. I mean sure, since she became my Beta, we have managed to minimize our bickering. Palpable proof, the fact that we haven't been down each other's throats in weeks. And, I don't know about her, but I like it this way. I like _us_ this way.

"_I do too. And you are my friend._" she confirmed, but I barely noticed.

I took her away from Paul, I realized with horror. When I split from the pack and she followed me, because of Seth, I took her away from the one person that showed her kindness, inside this mess we call a life lately.

"_What? No, you didn't!_" she protested, hitting the ground harshly with her paw.

"_Jake? Look at me!_" she demanded when I just hanged my head down in shame. I raised it reluctantly, surprised when my gaze met sparkling hazel eyes.

"_You set me free. I m happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years._" I saw in her thoughts that she meant it, and I couldn't hold down my relief, that I've at least somewhat helped her, even if it was unintentional.

I also felt a little bit of pride. I've never wanted to be a leader, in any way. I was happy I had managed to become a decent one. My pack members weren't suffering. Well Seth is easy to please, the ever-happy little punk. But, hey, Leah is one of the most difficult women I've ever met, so if she's content by my side, that must count for something. _Right?_

"_True._" she laughed, a real one, not bitter or sarcastic, and I automatically thought I'd like to hear that sound with my ears, instead of my thoughts.

"_That would have to wait. We haven't exactly brought clothes with us._" she said and I frowned, remembering I hadn't the slightest idea where the hell we were.

"_I don't know either, but, judging that we've run for about 300 miles, we're probably close to Canada._" she said and I repressed the urge to gape. Great, now I've made her a fugitive!

"_Well, we haven't crossed the borders... yet._" she said nonchalantly, and this time I did gape.

"_Yet?_" I asked with my mouth on the ground.

"_Well, you haven't say what you want us to do. Are we going back? Or are we fleeing to Canada? And, Jacob, close your mouth, you're drooling!_" she scolded strictly, and I snapped my mouth shut, so abruptly I was momentarily worried I broke a tooth.

_Us_? _We_? She was coming with me, if I decided to leave? She would abandon La Push, and the pack, and her Mom, and Seth, and-

"_Calm down. You're hyperventilating. I would. And, not that I want to burst your happy ignorant bubble, but, _you_ are my pack._" she said matter-of-factly.

And I understood then, what the determination, I was feeling rolling off of her in waves before we stopped running, was for. She wanted to help me. In any way I chose to deal with this madness. If I wanted to leave, she would follow me. She would be there for me. And, _oh God, I don't have to do this alone_. To my utter humiliation, tears filled my eyes, and Leah's lupine-features softened.

"_Don't get mushy on me, Black._" she grumbled annoyed, but scoutched closer to cuddle against me.

It was nice. Warm and comfortable, and she smelled like an odd blend of salty water, sand, pine trees and rain. Like the First Beach and the Hall of Mosses. _Home._

"_I haven't forgotten you're 18, Jake. I know you look like 25- but you're still so young... And I want- I just- I won't leave you. I'd _never_ leave you, Jake._" she whispered inside my mind, and it's so reassuring that, for the first time this day, I believed I could do this.

I will go back. I can be there for Renesmee. But, in my own terms. I'll be her brother, and her uncle, and her friend. Because that's all I _want_ to give her. Not _myself_, but a part of it.

"_Good puppy._" Leah praised playfully, yet approvingly, nuzzling my neck softly.

And I laughed, a real one, a free one. Because my heart didn't hurt anymore. My mind was denying '_Undying Love_' to my imprint, and my heart sees that it's for the best. For everyone.

~*.*~

_Breathing in the night _

_There's nothing else I'm needing now _

_The wind is at my side... and so are you_

_And together we will rise _

_Above all these words, and promises we couldn't keep,_  
_Together we will fly above it all_

_But sometimes we will fall _

_From the light _

_But it shines on us tonight _

_And together we will rise_

_And surely it's a sign now,_  
_That everything's in tune to some kind of higher plan _

_Yeah, surely it's a sign _

_That you were right_

_And there's the secret line _

_That we've been denied _

_But we're crossing it tonight _

_And together we will rise_

* * *

**A/N:** _Hall of Mosses_ - google says that's the name of The Forest around Forks.

**Well, that was it... Did you liked it? Hated it? I won't know if you don't tell me ;)**

**Thank you for reading! :)**


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